The Bruces

What’s all this then?

In 2002, I needed a domain name. Woolamaloo.com was available. It’s a good woody word; not at all tinny. Occasionally, I’ll post some pictures from a noteworthy trip. In April 2013, I bought a sailboat. I named it woolamaloo.

If you found this site because you’re a Monty Python fan, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’ve included (probably illegally) the script for the site’s namesake sketch. But that’s the only Monty Python related material here. Here’s a much better site for that sort of thing.

If you’re not a Monty Python fan “Woolamaloo” is nothing more than a silly name from an old, relatively obscure, and terribly funny sketch. It is a modification of a Sydney suburb named Woolloomooloo. I’m glad they shortened it. It sounds like a silly place.

Crack the tubes, right!

Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Episode 22 – The Bruces

Second Bruce: Goodday, Bruce!
First Bruce: Oh, Hello Bruce!
Third Bruce: How are yer Bruce?
First Bruce: Bit crook, Bruce.
Second Bruce: Where’s Bruce?
First Bruce: He’s not here, Bruce.
Third Bruce: Blimey, s’hot in here, Bruce.
First Bruce: S’hot enough to boil a monkey’s bum!
Second Bruce: That’s a strange expression, Bruce.
First Bruce: Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. S’hot enough to boil a monkey’s bum in ‘ere, your Majesty,’ he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
Third Bruce: She’s a good Sheila, Bruce and not at all stuck up.
Second Bruce: Ah, here comes the Bossfella now! – how are you, Bruce?

Enter fourth Bruce with English person, Michael
Fourth Bruce: Goodday, Bruce, Hello Bruce, how are you, Bruce? Gentlemen, I’d like to introduce a chap from pommie land… who’ll be joining us this year here in the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolamaloo.
All: Goodday.
Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin – this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin – this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin – this is Bruce.
First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce, then?
Michael: No, it’s Michael.
Second Bruce: That’s going to cause a little confusion.
Third Bruce: Mind if we call you ‘Bruce’ to keep it clear?
Fourth Bruce: Well, Gentlemen, I think we’d better start the meeting. Before we start, though, I’ll ask the padre for a prayer.

First Bruce snaps a plastic dog-collar round his neck. They all lower their heads.
First Bruce: Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty, Amen!!
All: Amen!
Fourth Bruce: Crack the tubes, right! (Third Bruce starts opening beer cans) Er, Bruce, I now call upon you to welcome Mr. Baldwin to the Philosophy Department.
Second Bruce: I’d like to welcome the pommy bastard to God’s own earth, and I’d like to remind him that we don’t like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.
All: Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce: Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheep-dip.
Third Bruce: What’s does new Bruce teach?
Fourth Bruce: New Bruce will be teaching political science – Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benet.
Second Bruce: Those are cricketers, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce: Oh, spit!
Third Bruce: Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce: In addition, as he’s going to be teaching politics, I’ve told him he’s welcome to teach any of the great socialist thinkers, provided he makes it clear that they were wrong.

They all stand up.
All: Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you. Amen!

They sit down.
Fourth Bruce: Any questions?
Second Bruce: New Bruce – are you a pooftah?
Fourth Bruce: Are you a pooftah?
Michael: No!
Fourth Bruce: No right, well gentlemen, I’ll just remind you of the faculty rules: Rule one – no pooftahs. Rule two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever – if there’s anybody watching. Rule three – no pooftahs. Rule four – I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out. Rule five – no pooftahs. Rule six – there is no rule six! Rule seven – no pooftahs. That concludes the reading of the rules, Bruce.
First Bruce: This here’s the wattle – the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle or you can hold it in your hand.
All: Amen!
Fourth Bruce: Gentlemen, at six o’clock I want every man-Bruce of you in the Sydney Harbor Bridge room to take a glass of sherry with the flying philosopher, Bruce, and I call upon you, padre, to close the meeting with a prayer.
First Bruce: Oh Lord, we beseech thee etc. etc. etc., Amen.
All: Amen!
First Bruce: Right, let’s get some Sheilas.

An Aborigine servant bursts in with an enormous tray full of enormous steaks.
Fourth Bruce: OK.
Second Bruce: Ah, elevenses.
Third Bruce: This should tide us over ’til lunchtime.
Second Bruce: Reckon so, Bruce.
First Bruce: Sydney Nolan! What’s that!